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Sleeping with your pregnant Missus

Week : 30 today! Baby boy Name : TBC Mood of significant other : She’s made herself sick by eating too many fajitas, so I’m guessing ‘full and queasy’. It wont be safe to ask her directly. If you have clicked on this link thinking it’s going to be some sort of twisted and perverted ‘How to’ guide, then I’m sorry trench coat, its not. There’s most likely a full category dedicated to your musings on Porn hub, so open up a new

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Once upon a Trump

Once upon a time, in a land far far away. A beautiful princess lay dreaming, from the nightmare at bay. For the princess was hated, by a cruel giant at large. with hair golden orange, and his best mate Farage. The cruel giant ruled, with fame and with money. He'd grab ladies pussy cats, And think it was funny. He built a huge giant wall, and cast the princess away. You see the princess was Mexican, and her brother was

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Try not to rain on the parade

As I stated in the past, there’s an army of us. Each little person is as weird and wonderful as the other, but all very different. Growing up around so many babies, you would automatically think the experience would help me when raising my own. You would be wrong. Making a toddler laugh by allowing them to strike you over the head with a solid plastic object, abolishing all bed times, and feeding them caterpillar cake for breakfast is not generally deemed

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The lady and the pram

The pram, a fairly simple contraption to assemble one would have thought. As it is basically a basket with wheels, I instantly chose to disregard the several instruction guides provided, as ‘I am man, and man make fire.’ Here’s one I made earlier. I don’t speak for all males, though I tend to abide by certain rules in life. Number one being, the shopping bag challenge. Whether it is one bag or thirty seven, every bag must be carried past the threshold in one singular effort. It

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‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’

Week 28, 2 days Baby boy Name still not confirmed Mood of significant other : See picture below (probably still hungry) Today we were summoned to the midwife for a routine appointment and check up. It usually involves a quick blood pressure check, we listen to the little man’s heart beat, then Robyn gets a bollocking for putting on more weight. It’s funny in Spain, they’d be quite understanding if you decided to sink four bottles of red wine at 23 weeks pregnant, though

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Birth plan, ‘Spanish style’.

28 weeks today! Baby boy Name, still not confirmed Mood of significant other : Initially happy, she even proceeded to confess her undying love for me, which was nice. She then however discovered a dirty sock in the bed and told me she hates me.   As we near closer and closer to the big day, it’s dawned upon me that babies need a lot of shit. I mean, I was a baby myself for a good few years, and

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The little man on the big screen

Week 27, day 5 Baby boy  Name not yet confirmed Mood of significant other : Tired, bloated and aching After the revelation of parenthood, I now find myself pondering deep into the future, usually while rocking forwards and backwards in a foetal position staring blankly into the distance. Previously, the optimum pressure struck upon me on a daily basis was deliberating over which Pot Noodle to digest, or whether to smuggle one or two Mars Bars into my lunch box. These day’s, I ponder

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Winner winner, baby shower

Week 27, 3 days Baby boy Current mood of significant other : Hungry, tired & uncomfortable Name not yet confirmed   Me and the ball and chain recently returned back to the UK for a week to see the family. As I clarified previously, the tribe seems to be multiplying by the day, so it takes significant effort just to see everyone. During the visit we stayed with my Nan and Grandad whom will feature heavily during the course of these ramblings as

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From pints to prams, how it happened.

This time two years ago, I recall being stark naked in my local performing a string of Michael Buble’ anthems, until I was abruptly disturbed by the ever so angry bouncer and catapulted onto the pavement. Now, I’m on Amazon looking for a set of bottles that prevent colic for a new born. It’s official, I will have to take full responsibility of a tiny human being in around three months. My beloved Nan used to call me the ‘party animal’,

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