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Saving Robyn’s privates – Labor day

Labor Day, to the rest of our lives (sighs with tired eyes and baby sick on shoulder) Name – Frankie Thomas Culshaw Weight at birth – 7lb 7oz Current age – 4 months Mood of significant other – Hates me with all her heart but we’re now stuck together, forever. This may be long overdue, and my little lad may not be so little anymore but I thought I’d do a spot of writing while he’s asleep and not screaming

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The final stretch, the last hurrah!

Week 39, day 6 Baby boy Name – I still don’t know! Mood of significant other – Seriously fed up. I feel like she may start to resent me and our unborn child for life if he doesn’t make an appearance soon. This will be my final blog post child free, & I fully concede that the daunting task of parenthood is still yet to sink into my tiny Northern mind. To date, the most significant responsibility ever stowed upon

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He’s on his way…

Week : 38 Baby boy Name : TBC Mood of significant other : I daren’t ask today but picture this, a cursing boiled egg on a bouncy ball drinking pineapple juice. I’ve neglected the blog quite recently, and to all those deeply affected by this I sincerely apologise. The reason is quite simple; I have channeled my sparse energies into learning Spanish. It’s great, and according to ‘duolingo’, I am now 18% fluent. This precise statistic is justified by the

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Braxton Hicks and baby showers

35 weeks, 3 days Baby boy Name TBC Mood of significant other : (I decided to ask Robyn directly. She is currently fully fed and watered, watching Dexter on her yoga ball in her new pyjamas, so I am quietly optimistic about the response). Her answer : ‘Tired, sore and nervous. Now leave me alone and stop writing about me on your blog. I want chocolate cake. Do we have chocolate cake? Don’t write that! (cries). Now get me chocolate cake’.

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Dad bod

In the build up to the big day (and as it is deemed unethical for Robyn to drink Jägermeister), I must boast that I have largely cut down on my drinking. A couple of death defying hangovers have admittedly deterred me from Pints. Which is ironic really, I seem to be a fraud. The blog title should probably be amended to ‘pussy to prams’. In light of this, I’ve decided to embark on a ‘fitness challenge’. This came after I caught a glimpse of

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The dreaded commute

Do you know what really grinds my gears? Trains. Tickets cost a fortune, they´re never on time, and it´s impossible to get a seat. As I´m soon to become a father, I will be joining the ´Can I squeeze my pram onto the already jam packed carriage please´ club. In light of this, I have decided to submit a complaint to the network provider, in hope they will listen to my thought out ´suggestions´. To whoever is apparently ‘running’ northern

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My guilty pleasure. A night to remember

Valentines, a day to celebrate love, laughter and life. Aside from my better half, I must admit to the world a love for another person. This person has it all. The looks, the talent, the accent and charisma like no other. We have bonded in ways even the universe cannot explain. I remember that night he offered me a cashew nut in his underpants, perching majestically upon a budget B&B single bed with passion in his eyes… This man is my hero,

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One born every minute

32 weeks today Baby boy Name TBC Mood of significant other : Frustrated. A callous sneeze has resulted in a complete outfit change as we prepare for the cinema. In preparation for the ‘big day’, I thought it would be useful to get my head around the gory yet beautiful event that draws closer by the minute. Up until gasping at that piss soaked stick of life altering terror, I’ve never really dwelled on the actual task of labour so I decided to do

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Demon child

Week 31, day 1 Baby boy Name TBC Mood of significant other : Unknown, as she is partaking in her seventeenth daily nap As the weeks tick by, we’re nearing ever closer to the arrival of the little man. It’s exciting, but I don’t think the notion of our lives drastically altering forever will fully sink in until he’s actually here in my arms, keeping me awake, and shitting in the bath. To date, our only worry is whether Robyn can master her bladder in

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Language, a barrier like no other. A lesson in child-birth

Week 30 day 3 Baby boy Name : TBC Mood of significant other : Flustered, she’s just witnessed a kestrel attack our budgie Elvis and is now convinced he has a nose bleed.   The day of our first ‘anti natal class’ arrived (fist pumps into the air with glee). To be honest, I wasn’t even sure they still did them anymore. All you have to do is type in ‘I’m pregnant’ into google and an array of terrifying educational videos and pictures

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